Trump Kicks Puppies

Author: McGruff the Crime Dog

Wed May 27 2020

WASHINGTON DC - As hard as it might be to accept, Donald J Trump is an even worse monster than you can imagine.  It is widely known that he hates dogs. This initially stems from the multiple times that he has compared killing terrorists to "hunting them down like dogs".  But also other times when he has expressed his disdain for dogs, usually just referring to them as "disgusting."  So this really should be no surprise.  When he thinks no one is looking, Donald J Trump kicks puppies. 

I've never heard anyone deny that Trump kicks puppies.  So it must be true that Trump kicks Puppies.  I've even seen the hashtag posted on Twitter that says clearly that #TrumpKicksPuppies.  Do we really need any further evidence?  Do we need additional citations?  In this day and age where people can just report any damn thing they feel like, we don't think so.  Until we see hard evidence to the contrary, we will continue to maintain that Trump kicks puppies at every opportunity.  To be safe, keep your puppies away from Donald Trump.  Because he will kick them if given the chance.  All of them.

What a puppy might look like

Over the past few weeks alone, Trump has broadcast a number of things as absolute fact that were immediately debunked or otherwise proven to be completely false.  Things like, mail ballot election fraud.  Doesn't exist.  Drinking bleach or shoving a UV bulb up your bum.  Won't cure COVID-19.  And just yesterday, he told everyone that Joe Scarborough murdered someone.  Not true.  Do you all remember the bit about Hillary's emails or Benghazi?  Of course you do.  Because to this day Trump claims that she should be in jail for both things. Remember that time that he told everyone that Obama was born in Kenya?  Good times...

Also yesterday, Trump was complaining that his freedom of speech was being stifled because Twitter fact checked, then flagged those Tweets about mail ballot election fraud as debunked and completely fake.  The POTUS actually thinks that the first amendment to the Constitution applies to a private company, and how they monitor their user's activity.  He's the President.  And he doesn't understand the basic fundamentals of the Constitution he's sworn to uphold.

This is the point of this story.  Only the accusation matters.  Just say it on the internet, and it's true!  And if anyone tries to set the record straight and maintain some truth in this world, you can cry that your rights are being violated.  Or something.

So if we want to report that Trump kicks puppies, and say it no less than 7 times in a single news story, then we are going to say that Trump kicks puppies.  We are going to claim that it is true.  And until Trump provides evidence that he does not kick puppies, we will maintain that he does.  And he should be ashamed of himself.  Well, he should be ashamed anyway, but just add this to the list.

 

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