Supreme Court Grants Presidential Immunity

Author: The Internet Prophet

Wed Jun 26 2024

AMERICA - The Supreme Court has reached their decision on Presidential Immunity.  They have determined that Presidents have immunity from any and all criminal prosection, even at the state level, for all official duties, as well as for all crimes committed at any time in their life.  This includes all the time before their term, because every second of their life was spent preparing to be President. The time after because, as is well known, Presidents enjoy all sorts of perks like Secret Service protection and a lifetime pension, so immunity should also be included.  One important distinction was included in their ruling.  It only applies to Presidents named Donald J Trump.

They determined to drop this decision on the day before the first Presidential debate, knowing full well that it would go some distance to help Trump in the debate. For one thing, Biden will nolonger be able to refer to Trump a "convicted felon".  Because that case will be completely erased from the record. Immediately after the ruling, the members of the court walked out with can only be described as very satisfied grins on their faces.  Most of them.

In a rare post decision interview, Justice Brett Kavanaugh, downed his beer, smashed the can on his head and said, "Well, of course we were going to rule in his favor.  He payed off all my debts, and made my legal troubles go away.  Then he got me this sweet job!!"

Justice Clarence Thomas stepped out of his custom made oversized RV and continued where Brett left of, "You see, we all have to get going on our summer vacations.  My friend Harlan over there doesn't want there to be any hangups.  As long as all the ridiculous court cases go on, the more often we'll be stuck here making these rulings."

At that point, Amy Coney Barrett got permission from her husband to speak, "Well, see, President Trump, and he is still President, you know, is going to save this country from all those rotten child murdering liberals.  So to us, him remaining a free man is more important than some silly laws that should never have applied to him anyway."

It is worth noting that this decision was not unanimous.  The liberal justices on the court dissented, but were not permitted by Justice Roberts to speak to the press.  They were last seen arguing amongst themselves as to what their point on the court actually is.

Samuel Alito finished the conversation by pointing out that he is well aware that "people are going to upset about this decision.  But we really don't care.  Because we are literally accountable to no one.  Our jobs are for life.  And no one is going to be able to reverse this decision.  Especially after we declare Trump the winner of the next election, regardless of the vote count."

The court has decided to go on recess until early November, because now that this case has been decided, there is really nothing left for them to rule on.  There are no other important cases.  And nothing else is expected to require their attention except for the possibility that the election may need some "clarification."

Now seems like a good time to plop this here so you know when it's coming

We thought it would be a nice reminder for what that last sentence meant.

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