April Fool's Day to Be Postponed

Author: Alec Smart

Sat Mar 28 2020

PLANET EARTH - Sorry, everyone.  Put away your joy buzzers and your squirting lapel flowers.  Stash your whoopi cushions and your dribble glasses.  Everything in the world is currently shut down, in case your haven't noticed.  And as such, the world has decided to postpone April Fool's Day.

Johnny "Big Shoes" Jesterclown, the spokesperson for The International Consortium on Sensible Pranks and General Good Natured Foolishness (ICSPGGNF), removed his big red nose and giant rainbow colored wig to say, "April Fools Day will be delayed until April 2nd.  Or will it?"  He then honked his horn and climbed into his impossibly small car with 35 friends and drove away.

Considering it is not yet April Fools Day, we are going to have to assume that Mr. Jesterclown was serious.  Because, clearly this is not something to joke about.

But let's be serious about something.  You are not as funny as you think you are.  Look around the room.  Everyone else is funnier than you.  Even if you're alone, you are not the funniest person in the room.  Whatever you were planning on April Fool's Day was going to piss someone off and make you look like an idiot.  You were probably planning on putting toothpaste in your boyfriend's Oreos.  Maybe you were going to call a complete stranger and tell them their entire family died in a freak kite flying accident.  Or maybe some Tabasco on the rim of a Sprite can.  Maybe you were going to glue everything the living room to the ceiling. 

Maybe you're going to write an article on a fake news site telling everyone that April Fool's Day has been moved.  You'd have to be a special kind of jerk to do that.

Whatever the case, it will have to wait until the 2nd of April.  Now that you know, don't be stupid (more stupid).  Don't play any pranks on April Fools.  It will be YOU who is made the fool.

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