Totally Fake News Here

About More Stories Actual News Subscribe
 Rate this story 

We Have a New Pandemic Czar

Author: Stampy McGlitterstitches

Thu Feb 27 2020


PLANET EARTH - With the spread of the COVID-19, popularly called The Corona Virus, the US had to hire someone new to be in control of the response to epidemic.  I'm sorry, Pandemic.  It hasn't gotten that bad just yet.  Considering who the president has put in charge, we can expect that it will pretty quickly.  If you're wondering why it was necessary to appoint someone into a position to fight a pandemic, the reason is simple.  Dear leader fired the pandemic response team because it seemed like a waste of resources, helping other countries with viral outbreaks.

If you were going to put someone in charge of controlling a viral outbreak, you would almost certainly choose someone who, at the very least, believes in science.  As it stands, the person appointed is Mike Pence.  Someone who quite proudly does NOT believe in science.  Mr Pence has laid out his platform for fighting the virus like this:


Which is certainly the best we can hope for.

Let us hope that his response runs better than when he was governor of Indiana.  Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez points out, his "science denial contributed to one of the worst HIV outbreaks in Indiana's history." 

Mr Pence has assured us that he has spoken with God about this, and it's all under control.  This is going to work out great for American taxpayers.  Because all we need to do is pray, and that doesn't cost anything.

Not long after we posted this story last night, president Orange Menace made a statement that, "one day, it's like a miracle, it will disappear."  Clearly he shares Mr Pence's optimism.


#corona #coronavirus #covid-19

Learn More

facebook twitter Join our Discord google email copy Link