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Philadelphia's Riot on Schedule for Today

Author: Some Eagles Fan


PHILADELPHIA - In what has become a near weekly event in Philadelphia recently, today's riot is scheduled to begin at 11:00AM today, Thursday, Feb. 8th and continue until everyone passes out from exhaustion. Crowds actually began forming as early as 4:00AM.

Today's event is expected to be the largest in the history of the city. Early estimates are showing that this could be the largest single gathering in all of US history! Some 4 million people are expected to converge on center city, in an area stretching from the stadium area, all the way to the Art Museum, and likely out into the suburbs.

The city is hoping to break their record of 1 car flipped over, 4 minor fires, and 8 arrests. C'mon Philly. You know you can do better!

New York and Hawaii made their attempts to have larger riots recently, by releasing false alarms warning everyone that they were about to die. That did not prove to be as effective as having your football team win the Super Bowl for the first time in 52 years!

All public transportations are running on modified schedules to accommodate the huge number of people expected to attend. Hospitals and police are all on high alert, and expecting to be very busy.
All schools and most businesses are closed today, except bars. They expect to make a good portion of their yearly revenue today. Not only because of the event, but because 4 million people will still be trapped there afterward.

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