The House Elects Their New Speaker

Author: Amanda Hugginkiss

Wed Jan 04 2023

WASHINGTON DC - After failing to secure enough votes to become the next Speaker of the House, Kevin McCarthy has decided that 6 losing votes was enough.  It's time to stop trying and simply let someone else be the Speaker for the 118th Congress.  Someone that the entirety of Congress, and indeed the world can get behind.

As such, he personally put in the nomination for the decorated war hero and former astronaut, George Santos.  This is the logical choice, above all other members of Congress.  No one else can claim to be the valedictorian of their graduating class at Harvard law, a feat achieved while working as a volunteer brain surgeon in New York City, and was named the NBA Rookie of the Year - twice.

This is especially impressive when we know that his grandparents are holocaust survivors, and he lost his mother on 9/11.  He lost her a second time back in 2016 and that must have been heartbreaking.

His other credentials include being a master chef, self-made millionaire, owns 13 rental properties, runs a charity dog rescue in 42 states, can sing in an 8-octave range, and celebrates the holidays of every single religion on the planet.

Clearly someone this diverse and talented absolutely deserves to have won the vote.  So it was no surprise when the 7th vote finally came down, he won 100% of the votes.  Which means all 212 Democrats voted for him too! 

Congratulations to Mr Santos.  Yet another achievement secured.

2023-01-05 - Editor's note:  When this was written, the number of attempts was at 5.  As of the moment I am typing this, It is now at 7.  And it is probably going to go higher.  I'm not going to keep updating the article.  Just thought I would point that out.

---