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Trump Officially the Luckiest Person in the World

Author: R. D. RR. Whitaker


LONDON, UK - Donald Trump has officially entered the Guinness Book of Records as the world's luckiest person!

Guinness adjudicators sent to examine the authenticity of new records, have determined without question that no one in this world, alive or dead, has had the incredible luck of Mr. Trump.

This is a man who historically has never run a successful company, yet always makes money on his deals. His diet consists of nothing but junk food, and his exercise regimen is nothing more than golf, yet he is in perfect health. He even weighs less then he appears to.

He then ran for President, had no chance of winning, and won the election anyway.

Among his other achievements have been having more people present at his inauguration than any other President, even while showing that it wasn't true. He is on his 3rd marriage and has 5 children. Meaning that he's been lucky enough to find love 3 times, and was able to produce children with all of his wives.

He repeatedly threatened North Korea with nuclear destruction, and somehow managed to bring peace to the region with a meeting that only lasted a few minutes.

Recently, Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy has decided to retire suddenly. While this decision was in fact at the urging of the Trump administration, it is still incredibly fortunate for Trump! It gives him the ability to appoint a replacement that will stay for a generation, and there is nothing anyone can do to prevent it. That is just unbelievably lucky for this opportunity to have landed in his lap!

"We can only assume that he sold his soul to the devil. There really is no other explanation for how one person could be so fortunate", says and anonymous source.

In an interesting twist to this story, there wasn't even an entry for the luckiest person until they created it specifically for Trump. What a stroke of luck!

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